Parker's Diagnosis:
I don't want to give away too much of "Siren Stories" - because the story of how we learned about Parker's diagnosis? One hell of a story to tell - so I'll just skip to this point: In 2009 he was diagnosed - they told me he would need life long care and at that time ABA therapy, which they was most necessary of all the therapies he needed, was $1000.00/ session and we were NOT that well off at the time.
After repeated freak-outs at his preschool where he would cry the whole day and never even wet a diaper? I took him to the doctor- and she said she'd like to have him tested for Autism.
My husband and I had always wanted 3 kids 3 years apart - and were in the process of trying - we thought better of it, however God had another plan - and when I went to get contraceptives? SURPRISE - baby #3 was already on the way.
Eventually, I had to leave my job- again - and I had just practically gone back but I couldn't get through a day of work without the school calling me.
Not being able to work I did the only thing I could think to do - the same thing I do for every situation I encounter in my life -LEARN ABOUT IT.
I took 3 6 week courses in Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy and Behavioral Therapy. I turned our Apartment into a kid-proofed therapy nest. When SOME doctors thought I needed to make him stop stimming? (He jumps up and down in place repeatedly) - I decided I'd rather teach him where it was appropriate to jump and got him an exercise trampoline for a corner of the apartment.
It was hard- and his dad being on the road all the time? Had me doing it all by myself with only a neighbor for a friend at the time - and when I was 7 months pregnant - my husband 'couldn't handle something may be wrong with our kid' and left me to meet the team of doctors with my 3 year old in hand and my swollen belly. After a full day of testing? They concluded- he's got Autism. The prognosis was he would remain non-verbal likely for life- and need life-long care.
I didn't give up- I enrolled him in the school for special needs classes, continued to educated myself, became an Autism Advocate, began working at an Autism Diagnostic facility as a 'Parent Liaison' (helping parents accept their child's diagnosis of Autism). I wrote for the San Antonio Express News on the subject and became a Marketing assistant for the facility that tested him. I was even on the channel 4 News once to discuss resources where we lived and what it's like to have a child with Autism.
At his one year evaluation, I'll never forget it- the woman came running in the most excited manner - dropping papers as she did so - and nearly shaking she looked at me and said, "OK.... You KNOW there is NO CURE for Autism, but if he were to continue to improve yearly the way he did this last year? He's going to be functionable enough to survive as an adult."
I'm not going to lie to you ... there has been MORE than once over his upbringing where I question my choices teaching him how to talk..... but I still wouldn't give it up for the world- but it wasn't all me either.
IG dedicated a HUGE portion of his childhood from the age of 6+ to doing the best he could for his brother - and they are still so incredibly close today. In this last year? With my struggles? I'm pretty sure IG slipped into the #1 spot in P's 'life leader board'.
OFFICIAL DIAGNOSIS: Autism Processing Disorder; Auditory Processing Disorder; Severe Sensory processing disorder; Probable ADHD with OCD tendencies- And I'm sure now? Trauma.....
How Trauma has Effected him this year:
I'm sad to say? I don't fully know. My dysfunction this year - has been the most frustrating for both Parker & I in terms of our relationship. My lack of patience, inconsistency, my emotional outbursts and the things he has seen? I know he needs more TLC than he's been getting to help HIM get through things. One of his therapists once told me that they had never seen a child struggling the level Parker did - and still be so happy.
That has NOT been this last year - I'm sure he's struggling with depression but can't verbalize the emotions well enough to fully process it. He is afraid often- like nervous, and for quite a few months I thought I was doing more harm to him than good and seriously considered moving out to alleviate his stress (and some of mine naturally).
IG is now Parker's sole caretaker since Parker has turned 18 (even though we all still live together) and I quite frankly did not trust myself to EVER be good enough for him again.... but slowly? We're getting there. In just the last few weeks I've actually gotten to have GOOD Mom moments with him where I once again feel as though I'm something more than a hindrance wreaking havoc on his life.
Overall? I do know Parker is just ... Sad. So many of the things that comfort him in life got lost along the way, such as living for months in a village where the nearest McDonald's Chicken Nuggets were 45 minutes away .... We've had to stay in other peoples' houses - so he lost his space and I know he is well aware of the ways he is 'differently abled' and in the last year I've seen it cause him to be even more reclusive than he naturally is.
Some days I would feel like the worst mother because I couldn't give him everything I knew he needed & wanted to be comfortable, other days I felt like the worst mother because I actually managed to do just that so consistently over his lifetime - when I wasn't able to just meet his demands he had an extremely hard time grasping 'WHY'. Maybe I shouldn't have catered to him so much? Then I would be angry at our situation and how I contributed to it in a way where for about 7 years I stuck my whole family in a 'happiness' bubble- pretty much none- of them could handle the real world when it smacked us in the face, not even my husband. The only one who came close was IG - and GOD am I thankful (and SURELY so is Parker) - for what an awesome human being my oldest has grown up to be. I don't think Parker nor I would be even remotely 'ok' today if IG hadn't been MAN enough to step up and do what was necessary every step along the way.
How Parker is coping with his trauma:
IT was VERY hard in the beginning. The initial event that started our Trauma spiral? Involved the one human being I think Parker loved outside of IG & I (And sometimes I'd go as far as to question Parker's love for me overall...) - But the one person he loved the most other than us? Suffered a psychotic break and became dangerous and delusional while we were living with her trying to help her with her struggles (You can read that story in Siren Stories).
When it happened? I've never heard Parker cry like that in my life - not even when he would throw screaming tantrums that actually got the police called on me in more than one instance. It was the deepest, most gut wrenching howls from the pit of his stomach. He was absolutely DESTROYED over losing the only person he had ever called Aunty..... And things only got worse from then on - because I think I could have been okay after that disaster - which I'll be getting more into detail regarding while we build this campaign and 'Siren Stories', what came AFTER that is what I attribute to the chaos and destruction our lives have suffered.
Parker's greatest worry:
As I said above, Parker has lost so much along the way- we have 3 different storage pods scattered, between AL & MN - and then we decided to come back to TX - so they are all incredibly far away. The Trauma effect my husband has struggled to deal with, left him making less money than he typically does- at times up to 50% less, we lost all our savings - our 401k is maxed and even after a year I haven't been able to save enough to ship our things to us - we are living on a 'basic life needs' basis - and all of Parker's most beloved things are locked up and far, far away.
Future Goals:
I know his goals definitely would not align with mine at this time. He's already had one job in his life, and he did a pretty good job at it - and loved the money it made him, however - he is completely against even considering a job- not even at Mc Donald's, or the LEGO store....
He constantly asks me if his things are still safe, if I've managed to pay those bills. He's incredibly smart and perceptive and only hindered by his abilities to process words most times in addition to struggling to understand his emotions let alone being able to verbally express them so he can lean on those who love him.
That's why I know right now? As far as his future is concerned? The greatest goal he has is to be reunited with all his lost LEGO sets, and I just have to pray that when he finally is? That will be the tipping point, and my sad, reclusive son will bounce back and once again have the drive to want to be the best he can for himself - only time will tell.
