OFFICIAL DIAGNOSIS: Trauma, PTSD Complex, Attention Deficit Disorder and Anxiety Disorder.

Trauma plus my Complex PTSD has quite literally turned me into someone I don't even know since April of 2023. Certified myself in Trauma informed care, I was aware of the rule I always tell others, 3 steps forward 2 steps back -but I have not been allow quite the same luxury, and yet I've pushed myself through the worst of it in just over a year. 

For 24 years I have been basically a family manager. My (soon to be ex) husband has Asperger's (and 2 of my 3 children on the spectrum - not counting my nephew in-law I just took in who has Autism). My husband was only truly responsible for making the money (See more in an upcoming update).  When I was inflicted with Trauma and PTSD my husband couldn't handle me emotionally at all and was unequipped to help with basically anything else. (Thankfully I pretty much trained our 21 year old son to know how to step up in the event of my death.) 

I left my job and career to make sure I could take the best care of my special needs family possible, and when I fell? We all fell hard, but none harder than my husband - which is why - after 24 years - I am mainly running this campaign so I can afford to file for divorce. 

I don't have a car right now, but when I did - driving was #1 to get my head straight in addition to music. My emotional instability has been, well annoying quite frankly, for anyone who still is willing to be in my space - and there are so few people left. 

This is why I think it will be a great idea for me to get a job with UBER. I need to rent a car, and it's on the plans but my husband's new financial irresponsibility in order to punish me for wanting a divorce has left us incredibly tight regarding finances (we lost $33k after the onset of my Trauma as I was unable to even open the banks account- you can find out more about this story through my blog and/or Siren-Stories) . 

I am still not completely comfortable with a guaranteed schedule as I have come so far in getting well, I do not want to get overwhelmed and go backwards- Uber will allow me to work and do something that makes me feel good. I've already been approved! Just need funds to start driving ♥

This whole situation is such a long story. I spent more than the last 10 years vowing to beat my childhood trauma at all costs. As I changed my behaviors, so did my husband and I mistake of assuming we were growing stronger and better together. 

The traumatic incidence I am suffering from was experienced by the whole family, and unfortunately? My husband literally hasn't done anything but make money for the duration of our marriage. I thought it was Asperger's that made him incapable of emotionally or intellectually supporting me, but unfortunately, I misjudged him.

He has been using money to control me which I will have to go into a much deeper explanation about during a podcast or another blog-  but my biggest fear is his verbal and financial attacks will push me over the edge before I can get divorced. 

I want to finish this road to recovery, which understanding that my childhood trauma took me nearly 28 years of my life to beat, I just want to be able to do everything I need to do as swiftly as possible while making sure I maintain my mental health. For the last year I have been basically non-existent as a mother, at least compared to what my kids have known their whole life- I was just 'broken'- and as I said they too, experienced the trauma I did (I arguably suffered the worst of it - hence it's extreme nature) - but either way? My kids deserve to have the happy, healthy version of me back as quickly as possible, so I can finally begin helping them the way each of them needs some help. 

It's been a very long year....