IG's Diagnosis:
IG326 Was diagnosed with Asperger's shortly after his father was in 2011. He had been struggling greatly in school and despite my heavy involvement, it seemed hopeless. I was so frustrated by it that I tried to put in for 'School Choice' so the following year he would be able to attend the school P was going to. Instead, the district wouldn't let P go to the school choice siting special needs funds, which meant P would have been navigating the school that terrorized his older brother all by himself. So, reluctantly, I finally caved and decided to homeschool.
Not even a year into my first year homeschooling IG and I learned what his struggles in school had been. Along with Asperger's he was diagnosed with ADHD, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia and mild Anxiety.
Once I got him on track he graduated EARLY at the age of 16 and started learning to build a business with Twitch.
OFFICIAL DIAGNOSIS: Asperger's; ADHD; Anxiety; Dysgraphia; Dyslexia
How Trauma this year has affected him:
Because my mother died 2 weeks before my 13th birthday and from there I was forced for nearly 2 years to live with my abusive father, part of my childhood trauma issues stemmed from not believing I would live past 40 as my mother was 41 years, 2 months and 10 days old when she died.
This lead to IG having a rather strict childhood compared to the other two (who were lucky enough that I got my $#^! together for by the time they really hit a point they can remember. However, when I landed in a Psych ward because I felt like my brain was breaking and I called 911, IG was the only one in the family who seemed to be able to step up almost flawlessly. He finished securing the lease on the house we were planning to rent, he handled financial control of things, and he always answered when I called from the hospital. There was one unforeseen complication however - He had to interact with his father in a stressful situation, and overall he had no idea how his dad could be.
This caused him quite a bit of anger, and by the time I got out of the hospital a few days later, IG was angry that I would ever allow his father to treat me the way IG had been treated during my husband's 'overwhelming frustration' (and his father's treatment towards me has only escalated and gotten worse since then).
The other unforeseeable side of this? IG didn't want to come to me afterwards for ANYTHING, if he could help it. He said to me: "I thought I could handle stepping into your shoes, but I don't know how you do what you do. Sometimes I felt like I may just snap if one more person came to me with one of their needs. I never want to be that one person to you."
The downside is, no matter how hard we try? And even after they actually ARE long gone, most of us always need/miss our mothers...........
How IG is Coping with Trauma
For a kid who graduated early, wrote a business plan at 16 and convinced me to allow him to start his livestreaming career? He's come incredibly far. 2 Years ago his father and I convinced him to focus more on the video production side of what he does, this meant stepping back from the money he was making at Twitch, but it just didn't seem to be his passion. I'm so proud of him for making the tough choice, as I told him, he would still be in college at his age, what's taking a step back if his father and I are willing to continue to financially support him as long as he kept working as hard as he had been and we always saw progress. And, we always do see progress but this life shake up has gotten IG scared that he may lose his dream. Additionally he is so angry with his father for how I've been treated that he pours every second he has into trying to get his YouTube channel monetized and all he keeps saying is "I just want to get it off the ground and never have to talk to my father or need him for anything again."
Recently, we also found out that it seems IG is struggling with Anorexia, as he can't control his life, and we have had bouts where we are nearly starving for a day. He has currently lost more than 70lbs from the stress, the anger I'm sure and the anorexia. I want us to just get off our feet so I can keep us stable and give these kids, who have been the greatest support in my lifetime, a chance to heal, just as they did for me.
IG's Greatest WOrry
Other than worrying about his channel and his life dreams, the only other thing IG has repeatedly expressed concern about is me staying with his father and not following through on this divorce. I know the longer it takes me to get on my feet the more he worries about this.
I can't say that I blame him. He's seen the worst parts of my marriage with his father, and he too thought everything had gotten 'all better' until his father refused to actually deal with his trauma in any sort of healthy manner, repeatedly disrespecting all of us and pushing me to limits that I know IG feels 'lucky' I didn't hurt myself over. My fragility this last year has been unreal, far more emotional than my kids have ever seen me - crying all the time - probably more than they even knew I could as I'm not much one for tears.
Each day that goes by where there is a financial struggle because of how his father is manipulating my desire for a divorce financially, and sadly, any time it has seemed as though his father and I can at least maintain some semblance of healthy interactions, both things scare him equally I fear.
Future Goals:
Even if IG doesn't make it as some big time YouTuber, he is adamant about teaching himself the skills of video production, animation and recently drawing. His skills have already reached a level where I think his dreams are achievable on the lowest end. He's even talked about possibly going to film school.
I know what he wants more than anything is to execute our plans to move to the ocean AND reach 500 subscribers before the end of this year. His struggles being the 2nd adult (well really the 1st if I'm going to be honest) for this last year- have taken its toll on him - and now he no longer has the trust or belief that his father will do whatever possible to allow IG to work on his dream, even though his father had promised to do just that.
I know that if he doesn't make it in some way - or whenever his analytics indicate a quarter of stagnant activity, he'll be the first to be ready to get a 'real' job - as when I was first diagnosed with trauma? That's exactly what he did.
