BK's Diagnosis:
Until last year I had only met BK once when he was 3 years old. I was right in the midst of learning all I could to help P and working for a Autism Diagnostic facility where we lived. When my husband's grandmother died we went back for the funeral and that was the first, and truly only time we reconnected with my Father in-law & sister in-laws over the duration of 20 years.
I immediately started putting pressure on BK's mom to get him tested for Autism, willing to anything and everything I could (Even pay for the test) because "EARLY INTERVENTION IS KEY" - in those days, basically it was believed if you didn't catch Autism early enough the child would be destituted for a life of unlivable misery.
My pushiness resulted in my sister in-law and I not talking until everything blew up in April 2023.
There is a lot to the story, but in a nutshell? BK is an adult, and he made the choice - even as messed up as I was and never having known me to be DIFFERENT - but he still decided I was 'good enough' I guess - because he chose to come with me and the kids and move 1700 miles away from everything he has known.
To be fair: His mom wasn't really an option after she left and moved to Wyoming without even letting him say goodbye to his siblings.
OFFICIAL DIAGNOSIS: Autism Spectrum Disorder; ADHD
How BK is Affected By Trauma this Year:
As upsetting as you would think it would be to have his Mom just leave him and then the grandfather he's know for his whole life basically just - go crazy? BK has a heart of gold and incredible processing regarding his emotional state of mind . I often tell him, "You absolutely defy one of what I would think is the biggest struggle when one has Autism." And he does! However, it is very clear that he has Autism, but his big heart and spontaneous thought processes allow him to remain incredibly happy. The biggest thing I have actually seen him worry about in the last year? Ironically? Is that he would have to live with his Mom again.
His mom's situation is probably something that will have to touch on in "Siren Stories" - but as crazy as I've been, as much as I've apologized, BK never seemed to feel 'bad' or 'uncomfortable' around me.
He's not often fond of his uncle after witnessing what he has witnessed, but he loves me - and his love has been KEY to getting me through this year - I wouldn't have made the progress if it weren't for his presence in my life.
He repeatedly tells me that even when I think I'm being 'short' or 'ugly' with him, that my methods of communication with him are very appreciated. Sometimes, he will even just tell me how thankful he is that he has come to live with me and my kids, claiming he has been able to learn so much this year.
RESILIENT - that is BK - go with the flow - can't knock him down - he'll just keep moseying until he reaches another calm pasture ♥
How BK is Handling his Trauma:
Puppy love - AND LOTS OF IT! Not to mention a trip to the basketball courts when he really gets anxious, which tends to happen when we are moving quickly and he doesn't fully understand what we are talking about - or what is changing . He gets more excited than nervous in most cases - but the energy feels the same to him overall I think. It's all about how the nervous system processes the information , and that is where there is no mistaking BK's struggles with Autism - but he knows exactly how to handle it - get out and GET ACTIVE. He's remarkably good at taking care of himself ♥ (I've never even had to yell at him ONCE this last year to pick up after himself in any manner- pretty amazing if you ask me!)
BK's biggest Worry:
As I stated above, the only thing I've seen BK really worry about? A few situations have come up this year where the prospect of sharing a house with his Mom has presented. In those instances I have seen BK almost 'panic' ? I mean as much as his super chill good nature allows?
Other than that, the only thing I have seen him consistently worry about? Is me ♥ So much Love and such a desire to make sure I'm okay, and happy. The moments where I have the hardest time this last year? I can tell - those take their toll on him more than just about anything else- OH! Except the occasional times where he steps on one of the family pets, or accidentally feels he has hurt them or made them sad, although? After realizing they aren't so breakable? I think he's even calmed down on that end.
I promised BK this 'Over the Rainbow' life like I felt we had when we last lived here - telling him how great his Uncle and I were - and anything he was witnessing was just due to the way we all were struggling.
Clearly, he's MY GUARD dog however, because any time I had to interact with his Uncle? He kept an eye on me - and was extremely protective - looking back? Clearly I should have spent more time paying attention to him and his behavior because he's smart - and I wouldn't have been so 'Hopelessly Hopeful'. If I had heeded his actions - I'm sure I'd be even further in my recovery process than I am.
No matter how hard the days may seem? I give thanks every day that BK is here and is now apart of this new semblance of family we are growing - he is BY FAR my favorite out of the pool of those I soon - will not have to call 'in-laws'.
Future Goals:
BK Hasn't had much work experience as he is one class away from getting his diploma and should have had it in May . He did wash dishes for a while, and he DOES LOVE MONEY (don't we all).
His lack of skills and experience surely won't hold him back moving forward in life - but I do believe he will get bored doing pretty much any job unless he picks one he is SURE to love day in and day out. As I told him, 'I believe passions can become paychecks - when there is a will there is a way!"
So, when I came up with the idea of him starting out by volunteering at the animal shelter to gain some experience - and then perhaps follow it up with a job within the animal industry (specifically doggies) - he was more than excited - our plans to move forward have him looking up in a more excited manner than I've seen him do yet - I hope that I can pull things all together and make his dreams a reality! HE DESERVES IT ♥
